Creating Agreements: How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Get Your Needs Met as a Mom

As a mom, your needs are as important as everyone else’s and deserve to be honored! But how you communicate them plays a crucial role in whether they are received and met.

Do you tend to assume that once you’ve voiced your needs, others will automatically respect them? Or do you engage in a conversation to set boundaries and co-create an agreement?

Here are a few steps to help you with communicating your needs clearly yet kindly.

Shifting from Holding Expectations to Creating Agreements

Most people can’t read minds. Yet, we often expect them to.

Last year, I learned a powerful concept from my coach: expectations vs. agreements. Shifting from unspoken expectations to clear agreements can prevent disappointment, resentment, and frustration—leading to healthier relationships and a greater sense of ease and support.

Expectations are the beliefs we hold about how things should turn out. While they can help guide our actions, they often set us up for frustration when reality doesn’t match what we had hoped for.

When our expectations aren’t met, it can lead to disappointment, resentment, and even anger. That’s why clear communication and boundary-setting are essential.

An agreement, on the other hand, is co-created. It’s a discussion where all parties share their perspectives and come to a solution that works for everyone. Agreements dissolve assumptions and replace them with mutual understanding, clarity, and cooperation.

Are You Holding Expectations?

Take a moment to reflect. Write down any expectations you currently hold toward the people in your life (family, friends, colleagues, etc.).

How could you turn these expectations into agreements?

Here are some common expectation-based thoughts:

• I assumed – "I assumed you'd help with the groceries."

• I thought – "I thought we would have dinner all together tonight."

• I expected – "I expected the kids to clean up after themselves."

• I believed – "I believed we'd spend the evening together."

• I was under the impression – "I was under the impression that you’d pick up the kids today."

By shifting these into open conversations and agreements, we can eliminate misunderstandings and foster healthier relationships.

How to Communicate Your Needs & Set Boundaries

Boundaries are your limits—they help you protect your time, energy, and well-being.

A sign that you need a boundary? You feel annoyed, frustrated, or resentful. Boundaries allow you to say “no” to what drains you so you can say “yes” to what truly matters.

Here’s how to communicate them effectively (inspired by Zoe Blaeskey):

1. Choose the Right Time

Timing is everything. Find a good moment when both you and the other person are calm and present. You can say, “Can we talk about X later?” and schedule a time that works.

2. Communicate Clearly

As Brené Brown says, "Clear is kind." State your boundaries in a simple, direct way to avoid misunderstandings. Use “I” statements rather than blaming language.

Example: Instead of “You never respect my time,” say “I need to keep my evenings free, so I won’t be available for calls after 7 PM.”

3. Compromise & Co-Create an Agreement

Before the conversation, consider your goal. Are you expressing a preference or setting a firm boundary? Stay open to hearing the other person’s needs and work together on creating and agreement that honors both perspectives.

How Do You Honor Your Own Needs?

We’re quick to blame others for not respecting our boundaries, but are we the ones crossing them first?

Example: A client recently told me that her customers didn’t respect her working hours and continued sending emails late at night. But instead of holding her boundary, she checked and responded to those emails—reinforcing the very behavior she wanted to avoid.

Reflect & Act

Write down any boundaries you cross yourself (a.k.a. the expectations you place on yourself).

• Where are you allowing others to drain your time and energy?

• How can you create agreements with yourself to protect your well-being?

Honoring your boundaries starts with you.

Boundaries Take Practice—Be Kind to Yourself

Communicating our limits can feel vulnerable. But the more we practice, the easier it becomes.

By simply writing down your boundaries, they become more present in your subconscious mind. Over time, you’ll find it easier to say “yes” to what truly matters and “no” to what doesn’t.

If you want to go deeper to reconnect with your true self and bring more joy and ease into your life, book a free call with me to explore how I can support you in doing this.

Love,
Isabel