From People-Pleasing to Authentic Connection: How to Prioritize Yourself as a Mom

As moms, we’re often so in tune with the needs of our loved ones—but what about our own needs?

People-pleasing behaviors can become so ingrained in us that we don’t even notice when we’re doing them. Saying yes when we really mean no, apologizing for things that aren’t our fault, or avoiding conflict just to keep the peace... Sound familiar?

It may seem harmless, but what’s the true cost?

When we constantly prioritize others over ourselves, we start to chip away at our own well-being—and even the relationships we’re trying to nurture.

How People-Pleasing Can Impact Our Lives

1. We Block Genuine Connection
   Real connections are built when we show up as our true selves. But when we people-please, we hide parts of who we are to avoid conflict or seek approval. This prevents real, authentic connections from forming.

2. We Suppress Our Emotions
   To keep others happy, we often suppress our feelings—whether it's anger, sadness, or even joy. But emotions don’t disappear. They build up and can eventually surface in passive-aggressive behavior or emotional outbursts.

3. We Neglect Our Own Needs
   By constantly putting others first, we can lose sight of our own needs. This can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and an unhealthy imbalance in our relationships.

4. We Lose (Self-)Trust
   Saying "yes" when we mean "no" isn’t kindness; it’s dishonesty. People-pleasing diminishes trust—both in ourselves and in others. Over time, we lose trust in our ability to stand firm in our own values.

5. We Lose Ourselves & Doubt Our Worth
   Constantly adapting to others’ expectations can make us forget who we really are. Changing ourselves to gain approval reinforces the belief that our true self isn’t enough. Even when we are accepted, it feels like we’ve earned it through performance—not because we are inherently worthy. We become a collection of personas, rather than the whole, authentic person we truly are.

If you recognize these patterns in yourself, know that you’re not alone. You’ve simply been trying to keep yourself safe from disapproval or conflict. Becoming aware of these people-pleasing behaviors is the first step toward shifting them. You are worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are.

How We Show Up in Relationships Shapes the Quality of Our Connections

That’s why I want to introduce the powerful concept of serving vs. pleasing. I learned this from my coach last year. And although I’m still recognizing people pleasing behaviors in myself, it’s been a game-changer in how I show up for myself and others. Understanding this difference can help you build deeper, more meaningful relationships—both with others and with yourself.

The Difference Between Serving and Pleasing

Pleasing often comes from a place of seeking approval or avoiding conflict. It’s driven by insecurity or fear of disapproval, leading us to prioritize others at the expense of our own needs.

Serving, on the other hand, is about contributing to the well-being or success of others with no underlying need for personal validation. It’s motivated by genuine care, self-confidence, and a secure sense of self-worth.

Examples for Pleasing

• You check and respond to work emails late at night, even though it cuts into your family time, just to prove you're on top of things.

• You go along with your partner’s movie choice, even though you dislike it, to avoid causing tension.

• You say yes to your colleague’s goodbye drinks, even though you’d prefer a cozy night at home with the kids.

Examples for Serving

• You set boundaries around work hours, ensuring quality family time without sacrificing your needs.

• You express your preference when your partner suggests a movie, offering a compromise with kindness.

• You express care for your colleague, but kindly decline the goodbye drinks to honor your need for family time.

The Benefits of Shifting to Serving

• Fosters Authenticity – You give from a place of genuine care rather than obligation, creating deeper, more trusting connections.

• Encourages Mutual Respect – Serving with intention helps both you and others feel valued and respected.

• Deepens Emotional Bonds – Thoughtful, intentional acts create meaningful connections and shared appreciation.

• Promotes Healthy Boundaries – Serving allows you to give without overextending, ensuring your relationships stay balanced and sustainable.

• Inspires Reciprocity – When you serve with authenticity, others are more likely to respond in kind, creating a cycle of mutual support.

You are worthy of love and connection just as you are. By showing up more authentically, you’ll build stronger, healthier relationships with others and, most importantly, with yourself.

Reflect on These Questions to Create More Awareness:

• Where do these people-pleasing patterns show up in my life?

• What small step can I take today toward being more true to myself?

If you recognize people-pleasing patterns in yourself, know that most of us do—without even realizing it. The first step toward shifting these behaviors is simply becoming aware. Awareness creates space for choice—and with that comes the freedom to change.

If you want to go deeper to reconnect with your true self and bring more joy and ease into your life, book a free call with me to explore how I can support you in doing this.

Love,
Isabel